12 Weeks

Saturday night was a really hard night.  Bryan and I had just returned from a wonderful and joyous wedding, when my body decided to start freaking out a little.  Things were happening that suggested my pregnancy might be in trouble.  Like, maybe the pregnancy was over.  This was something my body had never done before, and I was shocked.  And really scared.  I laid in bed and let the tears soak my pillow.  I could feel the adrenaline of fear coursing through my veins. Bryan came to bed after putting the girls to sleep, and we talked a little.  His face was so worried.  After talking about what was going on and how I was doing, I asked him how he was doing.  His lips tightened a little, and he said "I'm a little scared, too."  We held each other and cried.  We prayed that God would spare our child's life, and keep him or her safe in my womb for many more months.

All Saturday night I kept tossing and turning, having sad dreams, and excepting to have to go to the ER.  I even called my brother who lives next door to make sure he could come be with the girls if we had to leave in the middle of the night.  

I didn't get out of bed on Sunday except to use the bathroom.  The warning signs of a miscarriage had ceased, but I was afraid to move.  Bryan and I talked and prayed and cried some more.  It's funny just how much you can love someone you've never even met.  What if our baby was gone?  We didn't know. 

I did know that the way things were going was a good sign, considering.  But I was still so nervous. And scared.  And yet I was comforted thinking about God's goodness, and his plan for our lives, and for the life of our baby.  I'm the type of woman that likes to make a plan and take action and get things done, and I knew there wasn't a thing in the world that I could or couldn't do that would change whatever was happening in my womb.  I knew everything could be completely fine.  Women's bodies do strange things for no good reason, and I know that.  But I also knew that everything could be terribly wrong. 

This morning I called Dr. Minudri's office minutes after they opened.  Two very long hours later, I got a call from Dr. Campbell's nurse, and we talked.  She called back after she'd discussed things with Dr. Campbell, and he wanted me to have an ultrasound, some blood work, and a Rhogam shot.

Bryan took the girls to Betsy's, and met me at the hospital.  Time moves slowly in waiting rooms.  We finally went back to the room with the ultrasound machine, and I could feel my heart pounding.  The ultrasound monitor's screen was angled so that I couldn't see much.  Bryan watched the screen, and I strained my neck to see as much as I could.  "There's your baby," the technician said, and angled the screen my direction for about a second.  "And he's moving?" I asked.  "Oh, yeah, definitely moving."  Bryan squeezed my hand and gave me a little smile.  "Oh and there's the heart beating."  I took a really deep breath, since apparently I hadn't been breathing much.  She checked everything that there is to check, and said everything looked good.  My body was fine.  The baby was fine.  Everything was just as it should be.

We didn't get any prints to bring home, but I got to see my baby kicking around with even more enthusiasm than last time.  The tech let me look at the monitor long enough to see my beautiful baby's arms and legs and feet. I felt strangely calm.  Even after all that worrying.

I got some blood work done, and went back later this evening to get a Rhogam shot (those things hurt like heck, by the way).  I sat in the Labor and Delivery room, waiting for the nurse to come in with the huge needle to plunge into my flesh, and I looked around.  It was quiet.  I'd been in that room many times and seen many babies take their first breath.  It was weird imagining myself there in another six months.  I looked at the tiny baby blanket and hat, all ready to go for the next baby to be born in that room.  I smiled.  I get to meet my baby in just a few more months.  Only a few more months.

Oh my way out, I thanked the nurses, and asked them what they liked for treats.  "When I'm back here in six months to have my baby, what should I bring for you ladies?"  They laughed.  "Chocolate!" they said in agreement.  "Anything chocolate."